What's a Tween? How Old are Tweens?

Tweenagers, or tweens, are in between their early childhood and tween years. One day they can be carefree kids, and the next they can be worried about the problems of the world. Here's what to expect from this really special age group.

Children start showing "tweenage behavior" around 8 or 9 years old.

My information is coming from my favorite child development book ​Yardsticks: Child and Adolescent Development Ages 4 - 14 ​by Chip Wood. I highly recommend buying it and reading one chapter a year as your child ages.

8 - 9 Years Old: The Beginning of the Tween Years

Around the age of 8 children have a shift from craving adult affirmation to craving peer affirmation. This can lead to a lot of new feelings including feeling conscious and anxious for the first time. This marks the beginning of the tween years.

9 year olds: are developing their personality and interests, they may change rapidly. They need someone that listens to them and supports them. Instead of lecturing on "never quit," help them understand the thought process to make that decision. They can be moody, competitive, make inappropriate jokes, and be argumentative. Their fine motor skills have improved- this is a great time to teach arts and crafts. They are capable of completing longer projects like drafting a story or writing their own word problems...but only if they are invested.

The Double Digits

10 year olds: tend to have a sunnier disposition than 9 year olds. They are often aware this is a transition year and can be nostalgic about their childhood. They are interested in community- this is a great time for group activities or community service. They are quick to anger, but quick to forgive. Eager to learn and complete long term projects. As their bodies grow, handwriting and coordination may become sloppy. They need encouragement and recognition, because despite their interest in community and helping others, they are self conscious.

11 year olds: are entering their first year of adolescence. Growth spurts may cause growing pains, clumsiness, and forgetfulness. 11 year olds test limits, they may get in more trouble at school or home- rely on existing boundaries to remind them of common sense. Children this age can speak impulsively, so family journaling and letter writing is helpful at this age to allow them time to process. Think of it as "communication at a distance." Children this age have a better understanding of time- this is a great year to read biographies and history books. Create timelines and family trees together.

12 year olds: want to be heard by their parents even if they act like they don't. They care deeply about other people's opinions, so guide them toward people with a positive influence. They may try on different personalities. 12 year olds are ready to take on classic kid jobs like babysitting, petsitting, tutoring, and mowing lawns. They are interested in leadership and responsibility. Despite their interest though, many will struggle to follow through with their commitments. They need support from an adult. Tread lightly though, some of these struggles and consequences are important for their development. They are ready to think more abstractly about moral issues- expose them to interesting news and queries to help them think through ethics.